#104 Divorce Lawyer: Why 53% of Marriages Fail | James Sexton - BigDeal Recap

Podcast: BigDeal

Published: 2025-11-26

Duration: 1 hr 30 min

Summary

In this eye-opening episode, divorce attorney James Sexton discusses the staggering 53% divorce rate and the reasons behind marital breakdowns, emphasizing the importance of communication and understanding in relationships. He argues that while marriage can be a risky endeavor, it can also be incredibly rewarding if approached thoughtfully.

What Happened

James Sexton, a seasoned divorce lawyer, delves into the complexities of marriage, highlighting that 53% of marriages end in divorce, and even more concerning, about 73% of couples remain together in unhappy situations. He poses a provocative question: is it negligent to marry given these statistics? Sexton believes that many people enter marriage without truly understanding their own desires or how to communicate them to their partners, leading to an inevitable breakdown in relationships.

Sexton shares that affairs often begin not with physical attraction but rather stem from unmet emotional needs. He emphasizes the need for couples to regularly check in on each other’s feelings and to express appreciation, suggesting that kind words can pave the way for deeper intimacy. He also provides insights into red flags that indicate a relationship may be on shaky ground, noting the absence of mutual support and interest as significant warning signs. Despite the risks, Sexton remains optimistic about marriage, comparing it to a lottery where the potential rewards far outweigh the chances of failure, especially when both partners are willing to work on their relationship.

Key Insights

• The divorce rate stands at 53%, raising questions about the decision to marry.
• Many people stay in unhappy marriages for various reasons, including societal pressure.
• Affairs often begin with unmet emotional needs rather than physical attraction.
• Successful marriages require ongoing communication and support between partners.

Key Questions Answered

What are the main reasons why marriages fail?

James Sexton highlights that many marriages fail due to a lack of understanding of personal desires and ineffective communication. He states that both partners often do not know what they want or how to express their needs, leading to a breakdown in the relationship.

What are the signs that a marriage is in trouble?

Sexton explains that the absence of supportive behaviors, such as cheering for each other, is a primary indicator that a marriage may be heading for trouble. He emphasizes that recognizing these signs early can be crucial for addressing the issues before they escalate.

How does Sexton compare marriage to the lottery?

Sexton draws a parallel between marriage and the lottery, suggesting that while the odds of success may not be in one's favor, the potential rewards of a successful marriage are worth the risk. He believes that unlike the lottery, there are actionable steps couples can take to improve their chances of a successful marriage.

Why do people stay in unhappy marriages?

According to Sexton, many couples stay together for various reasons, including for the children, financial concerns, or societal expectations. He points out that a significant portion of people remain in unhappy relationships despite the possibility of divorce.

What role does communication play in a successful marriage?

Sexton stresses that effective communication is vital for a successful marriage. He encourages couples to express their feelings regularly and to ask questions that foster deeper understanding, such as appreciating what makes their partner feel loved.