When It Feels Like You Don't Belong, with Muriel Wilkins - Coaching for Leaders Recap

Podcast: Coaching for Leaders

Published: 2025-10-27

Duration: 40 min

Guests: Muriel Wilkins

Summary

This episode addresses the common issue of feeling like you don't belong in leadership roles, especially for those who are the first or only ones in a group. Muriel Wilkins provides strategies for overcoming these feelings by focusing on internal beliefs and redefining personal value propositions.

What Happened

Muriel Wilkins delves into the pervasive feeling of not belonging that many leaders experience, particularly when they enter new roles or are part of underrepresented groups. She identifies that this feeling often arises during significant changes or when one is the first or only member of an underrepresented group in a leadership position. Wilkins emphasizes that these feelings can lead to disengagement, creating a vicious cycle where a leader's lack of participation reinforces their sense of exclusion.

To break this cycle, Wilkins suggests that leaders focus on what they can control: their perceptions and beliefs about themselves and their roles. She acknowledges the existence of systemic biases like sexism and racism but stresses the importance of not internalizing these as personal truths. Instead, leaders should redefine their value propositions and actively engage in conversations to assert their presence.

Wilkins highlights the importance of understanding one's value in a leadership role. She advises leaders to clearly define what unique contributions they bring to their teams and organizations. This self-awareness can empower leaders to act as if they belong, even when external validation is lacking.

The episode also discusses the need for leaders to seek and build supportive relationships. Wilkins advises finding allies who can provide the sense of belonging that might be missing in one's immediate work environment. This can be crucial for maintaining morale and motivation.

Wilkins shares insights from her book 'Leadership Unblocked,' which explores various beliefs that limit leaders' potential. She encourages leaders to challenge these beliefs and adopt new ones that better serve their career goals and personal growth.

Dave Stohoviak and Wilkins discuss the discomfort that often accompanies personal growth and change. They agree that feeling uncomfortable is a sign of progress and an opportunity for leaders to expand their capabilities. This discomfort is necessary for breaking old patterns and forming new, more effective habits.

Key Insights