Why Chasing Success Can Leave You Feeling Stuck (with David Brooks) - The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos Recap
Podcast: The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos
Published: 2026-01-19
Duration: 37 min
Summary
In this episode, Dr. Laurie Santos and David Brooks discuss how the relentless pursuit of success often leads to feelings of being stuck. They explore the importance of focusing on character development and eulogy virtues over traditional resume virtues for achieving true happiness.
What Happened
In the latest episode, Dr. Laurie Santos engages with David Brooks, a New York Times columnist and author, about the common pitfalls of focusing solely on self-improvement goals. Brooks highlights that people often fixate on metrics like fitness, wealth, and promotions, especially at the start of the new year. However, he argues that this narrow focus can lead to a lack of fulfillment and that we should instead consider goals that promote character development, like being a better friend or supporting our communities.
Brooks introduces the idea of 'resume virtues' versus 'eulogy virtues.' Resume virtues are the skills that help us succeed professionally, while eulogy virtues represent the qualities that define us as people, such as honesty and kindness. He cites a study showing that 80% of junior high students believe their parents care more about academic performance than kindness, illustrating how societal pressures often skew our values towards superficial achievements. This emphasis on measurable success can lead to a disconnect from what truly matters in life, which are the qualities that make us good human beings.
The discussion further delves into how character is developed through everyday practices rather than grand transformations. Brooks suggests that small, intentional actions can lead to significant moral growth. He shares personal anecdotes about the influence of literature and the people we admire on our character development. By surrounding ourselves with exemplars and engaging in consistent, small changes, we can cultivate the virtues that lead to a more meaningful and fulfilling life.
Key Insights
- The pursuit of resume virtues often leads to feelings of being stuck and unfulfilled.
- Eulogy virtues, which define our character, are more important for true happiness.
- Character development is achieved through small, everyday practices rather than major life changes.
- Surrounding ourselves with admirable figures can positively influence our moral growth.
Key Questions Answered
What are eulogy virtues?
Eulogy virtues are the qualities that define us as individuals, such as honesty, courage, and the capacity for love. David Brooks emphasizes that these virtues are what people remember about us after we’re gone, contrasting them with resume virtues, which are the skills that make us good at our jobs.
How does societal pressure affect our goals?
Brooks discusses a study revealing that most junior high students believe their parents prioritize academic performance over kindness, showcasing how societal and familial expectations steer individuals toward achieving measurable success rather than fostering deeper character traits.
What role do small habits play in character development?
Brooks argues that character is built through small, consistent actions rather than through large, transformative experiences. He asserts that just as we learn a craft through repetition, we can develop our character by engaging in daily practices that reflect our values.
How can literature influence personal growth?
Brooks suggests that reading about people we admire can subconsciously influence our behavior. He shares his practice of surrounding himself with reminders of admirable figures to inspire his own character development, reflecting on how literature can serve as a guide for moral aspiration.
Why is quantifying human qualities problematic?
Brooks warns against the tendency to quantify human qualities, stating that while some aspects are measurable, the most important traits in life—like kindness and resilience—are not. He believes that defining these essential qualities in opposition to measurable skills represents a societal failure to recognize what truly matters.