When It's Okay to Lie
Hidden Brain Podcast Recap
Published:
Duration: 51 min
Guests: Emma Levine
Summary
This episode examines the complexities of lying and truth-telling, featuring insights from psychologist Emma Levine. It explores when lies might be morally acceptable, culturally influenced, and even beneficial.
What Happened
The episode opens with the fabricated tale of George Washington and the cherry tree, used to illustrate the paradox that a lie can teach honesty. Emma Levine, a psychologist at the University of Chicago, provides insights into the psychology of deception, recounting a personal story where her mother lied about wedding invitations to avoid hurting her grandfather's friends.
The episode examines social norms around deception, using the sitcom Seinfeld's 'must lie situation' about an ugly baby as an example where lying is socially expected. Emma Levine's research identifies 'bad truths' as those causing harm without promoting understanding, suggesting that lying can sometimes be a moral choice.
Historical events like the Cuban Missile Crisis are discussed, where the Kennedy administration's deception was deemed necessary to prevent panic, showing the potential benefits and costs of lying. Psychological research reveals that lies occur in about 20% of social interactions, highlighting how common deception is in daily life.
Emma Levine's studies suggest that lying is often perceived as acceptable in situations where the truth could cause unnecessary harm. For instance, in dementia care, therapeutic fibbing is used to comfort patients, while a significant percentage of people support lying to a dying spouse about infidelity.
Cultural attitudes towards deception are also explored, as demonstrated by the movie 'The Farewell,' where a family lies to a grandmother about her terminal illness to protect her emotionally. This reflects variations in truth-telling norms across cultures, such as in China, where critical feedback is more common due to community responsibility.
Emma Levine also examines scenarios where subjective judgments are involved, such as lying about personal opinions on trivial matters like a co-worker's scarf. In studies, participants were more likely to lie about the quality of food if the host was not a professional chef, indicating that triviality influences the acceptability of lying.
In professional settings, research shows varying attitudes towards deception based on context, such as lying about layoffs if an employee is experiencing a major life event like a wedding. This suggests that benevolent lies can enhance benevolence-based trust, although they might diminish integrity-based trust.
The episode concludes with Emma Levine's call for explicit conversations about when benevolent lies are acceptable, recognizing the complexity of balancing honesty with empathy. The Talmud is mentioned as a cultural reference, advising to always tell a bride she's beautiful to maintain the joy of the occasion.
Key Insights
- Emma Levine's research finds that people lie in about 20% of their social interactions, demonstrating the prevalence of deception in daily life.
- During the Cuban Missile Crisis, the Kennedy administration withheld information to prevent public panic, illustrating a case where deception had both significant costs and benefits.
- Therapeutic fibbing in dementia care highlights a scenario where lying is used to reduce distress, showing that deception can be a tool for emotional therapy.
- Cultural differences in attitudes towards truth-telling are evident, with Chinese culture favoring critical feedback due to community responsibility, contrasting with other cultures that prioritize emotional protection.