How to show up in any room with a low heart rate: Silicon Valley's missing etiquette playbook | Sam Lessin - Lenny's Podcast: Product | Career | Growth Recap

Podcast: Lenny's Podcast: Product | Career | Growth

Published: 2026-01-15

Duration: 1 hr 27 min

Guests: Sam Lessin

Summary

Sam Lessin discusses the importance of etiquette in Silicon Valley, emphasizing that proper social skills can significantly influence business success. He highlights how etiquette helps maintain a low heart rate and projects confidence, thus fostering trust and better relationships.

What Happened

Sam Lessin, a venture capitalist, shares insights on the often-overlooked skill of etiquette in business, especially in Silicon Valley. He argues that while product is important, how you present yourself can be equally critical in building trust and making connections. Lessin emphasizes the need for a mindset of abundance rather than scarcity when attending important events or meetings, encouraging a calm and confident demeanor.

He notes that many young founders, often holed up coding, are not taught basic etiquette, which can lead to negative impressions in professional settings. Lessin shares practical tips such as being early, dressing appropriately, and understanding the nuances of introductions and conversations. He stresses the importance of not appearing transactional and instead focusing on building genuine relationships.

Throughout the episode, Lessin shares anecdotes and humor to illustrate his points, making the case that etiquette, while sometimes seen as outdated, is actually a critical tool for success. He talks about his efforts to teach these skills through classes and a book he has published on the subject.

A significant portion of the episode focuses on specific social interactions, like the importance of repeating names when introduced, making inclusive conversations, and knowing when and how to exit conversations gracefully. Lessin also delves into dining etiquette, such as not ordering the most expensive item on the menu and offering to pay the bill, even if you expect to be declined.

The conversation shifts to digital etiquette, where Lessin criticizes tools like Calendly for being impersonal and suggests more thoughtful scheduling approaches. He also discusses the subtleties of email communication, urging the avoidance of emojis and the importance of clear, concise messages.

Lessin shares insights into how AI and technology might influence etiquette and business interactions, but he remains skeptical about investing in companies branded solely as AI ventures. He believes AI should be a tool to enhance existing businesses rather than the core identity of a startup.

Overall, the episode offers a unique perspective on the intersection of etiquette and business, providing actionable advice for founders and professionals looking to improve their social skills and professional relationships.

Key Insights

• Etiquette in business settings, particularly in Silicon Valley, can be as crucial as technical skills for building trust and connections. Practical tips include arriving early, dressing appropriately, and focusing on genuine relationship-building rather than transactional interactions.
• Repeating names during introductions and engaging in inclusive conversations are key social interaction techniques. Knowing how to exit conversations gracefully and adhering to dining etiquette, such as not choosing the most expensive menu item, can enhance professional interactions.
• Digital etiquette involves avoiding impersonal tools like Calendly and opting for more thoughtful scheduling methods. Clear and concise email communication is recommended, with a suggestion to avoid using emojis to maintain professionalism.
• AI should be integrated as a tool to enhance existing business models rather than being the sole focus of a startup. Venture capitalists may be skeptical of investing in companies that brand themselves solely around AI without a broader business strategy.