Buddhist Monks On: Letting Go of Shame, The Opposite of Depression, and Dealing With Criticism | Ajahn Kovilo and Ajahn Nisabho - 10% Happier with Dan Harris Recap

Podcast: 10% Happier with Dan Harris

Published: 2026-03-18

Duration: 1 hr 12 min

Guests: Ajahn Kovilo, Ajahn Nisabho

Summary

Ajahn Kovilo and Ajahn Nisabho discuss practical approaches to handling criticism, cultivating happiness, and maintaining mental peace in a chaotic world through Buddhist practices.

What Happened

Ajahn Kovilo and Ajahn Nisabho, two American Buddhist monks, delve into the importance of confession as a practice for maintaining healthy relationships. They explain that by regularly confessing to a trusted friend or fellow practitioner, individuals can foster an environment of openness and growth, while also reducing the burden of shame and regret. The monks emphasize the significance of doing this practice with someone you admire or trust, which helps keep one accountable and reinforces personal values.

They also detail the Buddha's guidelines for giving feedback, highlighting the importance of timing, intention, and emotional state. The monks suggest using the acronym BAGEL (Beneficial, Accurate, Gentle, Expedient, Loving) to ensure feedback is constructive and well-received. This approach aims to prevent resentment and foster genuine improvement in the recipient.

Receiving feedback gracefully, according to the monks, involves being 'easy to speak to' and avoiding defensiveness. They stress the value of viewing feedback as a treasure, and suggest that even when feedback is poorly delivered, maintaining composure and considering its truth is beneficial.

The episode further explores how to maintain mental peace in the face of modern life's challenges. The monks suggest limiting news intake, engaging in daily acts of generosity, and cultivating loving-kindness as strategies to counteract negativity and depression.

Ajahn Kovilo and Ajahn Nisabho introduce the concept of faith in Buddhism, distinguishing it from Western notions of faith. They explain that in Buddhism, faith is more about confidence in the possibility of personal growth and the transformative power of practice rather than blind belief.

The monks encourage listeners to engage in rituals like bowing to reinforce their commitment to personal development and to remind themselves of their spiritual goals. They highlight how such practices can instill a sense of purpose and serenity amidst life's uncertainties.

Key Insights

• Confession is a practice used by Buddhist monks to maintain healthy relationships and reduce shame, involving regular admissions of personal faults to a trusted individual.
• The acronym BAGEL (Beneficial, Accurate, Gentle, Expedient, Loving) is recommended for giving constructive feedback, ensuring it is well-received and fosters improvement.
• Faith in Buddhism is understood as confidence in personal growth and the transformative power of practice, differing from Western notions of blind belief.
• Strategies to maintain mental peace include limiting news consumption, engaging in daily acts of generosity, and cultivating loving-kindness to counteract negativity and depression.