Tracee Ellis Ross: Holding On to Joy In Hard Times - We Can Do Hard Things Recap

Podcast: We Can Do Hard Things

Published: 2026-03-17

Duration: 1 hr 7 min

Guests: Tracee Ellis Ross

What Happened

Tracee Ellis Ross reflects on her approach to staying engaged and joyful as she approaches her 50th birthday. She emphasizes the importance of freedom, joy, depth, and connection, rejecting hustle culture while aiming for world-changing engagement. Tracee recounts her 50th birthday party, where she was surrounded by her biological and chosen family, and she sang 'I'm 50 and I'm free,' embodying her philosophy of finding people she calls 'cauldron people' who share the same essence.

Tracee discusses her career achievements, including her roles in 'Blackish' and 'Girlfriends,' her Golden Globe win, and her work as the CEO of Pattern, a hair care brand. She also shares her upcoming project, a podcast titled 'I Am America,' which aims to address the divided state of the nation. Tracee describes the joy of having friends read her achievements and how it feels to have aspects of herself mirrored back.

The concept of 'cauldron people' is explored, where Tracee believes people are made in batches and scattered through time, with the task of finding those with a similar essence. This metaphor highlights her approach to relationships and connections, emphasizing depth and recognition beyond external circumstances.

Tracee shares her experience with being single and how she has built a chosen family. She describes herself as a 'barnacle' on her friends' lives, insisting on connection despite the fear of being a burden. Her long-standing friendships are a testament to this philosophy, as she emphasizes the importance of different people fulfilling different roles, rather than relying on one person for everything.

Tracee reflects on societal expectations of women, particularly around being 'choosable' and having children. She challenges these narratives, embracing her own path and redefining fertility and womanhood. Tracee expresses gratitude for the perspectives offered by the trans community, which have helped her question and expand her understanding of gender and identity.

The episode delves into Tracee's relationship with fashion and style as a form of self-expression. She recounts how clothing served as both armor and creative expression throughout her life. Her love for fashion is deeply connected to her identity and the way she presents her inner self to the world.

Tracee discusses the complexities of self-worth and acceptance, acknowledging the discomfort of not being everyone's 'cup of tea.' She shares her process of listing things she likes about herself, which helped her embrace parts of herself that might not always be well-received by others.

Throughout the conversation, Tracee emphasizes the importance of aftercare and self-compassion. She shares strategies for managing the aftermath of significant events and the role of friendships and personal practices in maintaining well-being. She concludes with a message of self-acceptance and the understanding that one can't ruin their destiny by making wrong choices, as long as they remain true to themselves.

Key Insights

• Tracee Ellis Ross values freedom and joy over hustle culture as she approaches her 50th birthday. She seeks depth and connection in her relationships and aims to engage in world-changing work without losing herself to societal pressures.
• The concept of 'cauldron people' suggests that individuals are made in batches with a shared essence, and the task is to find those who share that same essence. This metaphor underscores Ross's approach to building meaningful relationships.
• Tracee Ellis Ross challenges traditional narratives around womanhood and fertility, emphasizing that her identity and creativity are not defined by her ability to have children. She appreciates the insights from the trans community in reshaping her understanding of gender.
• Fashion for Tracee Ellis Ross is a form of self-expression and armor. Her style reflects her inner self, allowing her to navigate the world with authenticity and confidence, turning clothing into a language that communicates her identity.