You Might Also Like: Mind If We Talk?
Women of Impact Podcast Recap
Published:
Duration: 1 hr 17 min
Guests: Viviana Vasquez, Sarah Close, Cyrila Roy Green
Summary
The episode centers on Viviana Vasquez and her husband Javi's experiences navigating financial disparities in their relationship and the impact of financial stress. The conversation provides insights into how financial backgrounds shape relationships and mental health.
What Happened
Viviana Vasquez and her husband Javi met in college, each coming from different financial backgrounds. Viviana was raised in a low-income family in Manhattan, while Javi grew up in a middle-class environment. This difference in upbringing led Viviana to conceal her financial struggles from Javi for nearly two years due to fear of judgment.
Financial stress can lead to anxiety and depression, particularly for those who grow up in low-income households. Viviana learned of her family's financial situation when completing the FAFSA in high school, which revealed they were living below the poverty line. This realization caused Viviana to promise her parents that she would support them financially in the future.
When Viviana finally shared her financial situation with Javi, he responded with understanding and support. This openness allowed them to have difficult conversations regarding money, including discussions about Viviana's credit card debt and the decision to sign a prenup. As a result, their relationship improved significantly after they began collaboratively planning their financial future.
Viviana and Javi have now been together for almost a decade and have achieved financial stability through hard work and open communication. They are currently undertaking a 'no buy year' to encourage saving and investing, although Viviana still struggles with spending on self-care due to her past experiences with financial scarcity.
The episode discusses the emotional impact of money trauma and the difficulty of transitioning from a scarcity mindset to an abundance mindset. Viviana expresses a desire to prevent her future children from experiencing the financial stress she endured, which was compounded by 'parentification' - where children take on adult roles to alleviate family stress.
Sarah Close, a therapist with BetterHelp, explains that financial stress can cause children to enter a hypervigilant state, affecting their sense of safety and belonging. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and a drive to overachieve or become hyper-independent. Therapy is recommended as a tool to help individuals unpack their money stories and address deep-seated fears and shame related to financial status.
The podcast suggests that financial conversations should focus on the meaning behind money rather than the numbers themselves. It introduces the concept of 'co-regulation' in relationships, where partners help each other manage emotional activation, and highlights the importance of slowing down these conversations to ensure emotional safety.
Affirmations like 'We got this' are encouraged to promote a collective mindset in relationships. Viviana's story exemplifies overcoming personal and cultural narratives to rely on her spouse financially, which required significant emotional work and open communication.
Key Insights
- Financial disparities in relationships can lead to secrecy and anxiety, as seen with Viviana Vasquez's initial reluctance to share her financial struggles with her husband Javi. Open communication helped them overcome this barrier, leading to collaborative financial planning.
- Growing up in a low-income household can cause financial trauma, shaping a child's nervous system and leading to chronic anxiety or depression. This is often accompanied by 'parentification', where children take on adult responsibilities to alleviate family stress.
- Therapy can help individuals unpack their financial narratives, addressing deep-seated fears and shame. Sarah Close notes that financial stress can cause children to become hypervigilant, affecting their sense of safety and leading to feelings of inadequacy.
- The episode emphasizes focusing on the meaning behind money rather than numbers in financial conversations. Co-regulation, where partners help each other manage emotional responses, can foster a supportive environment for discussing finances.